I use this blog to record my family’s history.
I use to keep pen and paper journals, I did this faithfully from the time I was 5 until I was 16. Then sporadically until now. But blogging is a lot easier than pen and paper. So this is my family’s history.
But in writing a public blog I have made a very big mistake. You see I only write the happy things about my family on this blog, on Facebook or on Instagram. And by doing so I have given a very wrong impression. I have given other the impression that I am put together, that I am level headed, and that I am supermom with a rock solid marriage. No one ever sees the bloopers, the trials, or the tears.
I am not supermom. I am not put together. Most days I don’t even get dressed. I love being married to my best friend, but oh man do we get on each other’s nerves sometimes! We often joke that true love is when you want to kill the other person but don’t, because you’d miss them too much.
I’ve eluded a few times on this blog (or other media outlets) that I have fertility issues. I’ve decided to document the journey I went through for Audrey. After all it is part of her history. Someday I might write about Zachary and baby girl’s journey, but for now I feel like sharing Audrey’s story.
This story starts actually with Sydney. I had no problems getting pregnant with Sydney. Actually, I was super fertile and got pregnant on the birth control pill, despite taking it perfectly. I was only 17 when she was born. Despite my young age Jordan and I were excited to be parents and overjoyed when she joined us and made us a family. The day after she was born I went on the shot to avoid another pregnancy so quickly. Shortly after we got married we decided to have another baby. He is close in age with his sisters and he wanted Sydney to get to experience this as well.
Then we celebrated our first anniversary, without any success. I knew pretty quickly something was wrong. I hadn’t breastfed Sydney and yet my cycles had never returned. So I talked to my OB/GYN about it and he brushed me off telling me that I was young and not to worry.
Then six more months went by and I finally convinced him that I was REALLY concerned. He rolled his eyes but prescribed a medication called Clomid. I did 3 rounds of Clomid, each month they upped my dose because it wasn’t doing anything.
Correction: it wasn’t doing anything HELPFUL. It wasn’t making me ovulate.
What it WAS doing however was giving me menopausal hot flashes from hell, kicking my insomnia into high gear, and making me super emotional. Jordan wasn’t sure if he should hug me or sleep with an eye open. I joked later that it really was birth control. No one wants to get the crazy chick pregnant.
After 3 cycles I wasn’t pregnant. And I still wasn’t ovulating. So Dr. B called me with my blood work and told me that I would never have anymore children. So I needed to get over it. I was 19 and had just been told I was never going to have anymore babies. Growing up the only thing I ever really wanted to do was have a big family. I would annoy my teachers by saying I wanted to be a mom. They acted like this wasn’t an option. So this was pretty devastating to me. In the span of two years I had gone from thinking that I was super fertile to being told I would never again have children.
So naturally, me being defiant and rebellious, I gave my middle finger to the man and said, “Watch me!”
Actually, I sobbed. And then went and bought a nice couch set and snuggled my Sydney (despite her protests.)
Then Jordan called a local fertility specialist, he wanted a second opinion. Dr. S was very convinced that I had enometrosis, and he put me on another drug called Femara. Not only did Femara not drive me crazy but it also made me ovulate! I only had to go see this doctor a few times before I got pregnant with Audrey. But something that is super cool is that I got to see Audrey when she was just an egg hanging out in my ovary. I had scheduled endometrosis surgery and cancelled it at my pre-op because my pregnancy test had come back positive.
I found out I was pregnant with her a few days before my nice couches were delivered to my apartment.
Having Audrey was one of the biggest miracles I had witnessed in my life. It was the longest two and a half years of my life waiting for that little girl, and it’s minimal compared to what many have to endure. Watching her grow the last four years has shown me even more miracles than I ever thought possible. She is such a sweet and special little girl, and I am so glad I have the privilege to be her mama.
Five years ago today, I found out that my sweet miracle was on her way. My patience and persistence had paid off. Little did I know then that the waiting had just started with Miss Audrey. And she was no where near done testing my patience.